to rely on my own whims. I tallied up the winners and losers in meat and vein, tugged lightly on each thread leading to the heart, and erected upright as a puppet would, accommodating all the ego’s demands. I don’t know what the body wants, or to say it more accurately, the mind doesn’t know. And what is a mind if not another self-interested muscle, hoping to out-flex the rest. We’re all Arnold Schwarzenegger in the mirror, trying to outgrow and and out-pace that small image of ourselves. I once jumped so high that I exited earth’s atmosphere and floated upward toward the vacuum of space. Directions like up and down became useless, the joystick of ego-mover lost its spring. And as all the masked saviors became limp and impotent, I realized that there were never any saviors to begin with. There were 12 rocks, an overly complicated tree-root system, a single blade of grass, 33 shovels of dirt, a lover’s remorse. You see, when we ignore the stuff of the world, and by that I mean all the touching and scraping, splashing etc., we’ve unintentionally crafted an impossibly selfish and fictitious compass, always pointing right back between our own two eyes. The stuff of the world was brought to us as a painting onto God’s canvas, yet we trample it like the tread on a malfunctioning treadmill, always expecting it to punt us off into betterness. Those of us who can untie ourselves from the game, the betting on winners and losers, the heavy marble slab that is our own mask pulling us down into the ego core of earth, can begin to see as seeing was intended. Not seeing as a form of looking but seeing as an offering, a witnessing. This thing some call love is actually vibrating and penetrating all the in-between spaces, and we can swim 100 miles in it’s ocean if only we’d allow ourselves to witness it. As sad and confused I may get, I’m a hopeful person, someone who at least wants to care. If you relax the muscles in your neck and let your head become weightless in my palms, I’ll hold and support you like the axis of the earth, letting it spin and dance and dream but never float away.
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